Ice
by sandal onions
Summary: Just a lemonish one-shot. Hitsugaya thinks about his and Kusaka's days together while his love was still alive.


Title: Ice

Author: sandal onions

Rating: M (because of lemon)

Warnings: Lemon, and yaoi (meaning boy x boy)

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach..: (

Oh yeah..the song there is called Alone again, wonderful world by Plastic Tree ^^ It's a good song, go and check it out.

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It was cold. Ice cold...so cold that it felt warm. The sky looked frozen even though some rays of sunlight pierced through the mist, which turned everything white. I was walking alone, not even my shadow was following me, and I felt lonely. That was the day I lost the person who meant everything to me.

I could still remember his smile, his breath tingling on my face and his strong arms picking me up and gently carrying me on his arms. He was a vision of an angel who fulfilled all my romantic and also sinfully dirty dreams. But what was the point of remembering him? Because he was already gone, and nothing could ever bring him back to me. That night I broke down completely, crying for the first time in my life. Crying for someone who could have just been a dream and never really existed.

_Mou aenainda _

_Uso mitainda_

_nemuri kata mo wasureta mitai_

_Izure ni seyo, yume no soto da_

_Kimi ga inain ja naa_

_We can't see each other anymore_

_It's like a lie_

_It's as if I've even forgotten the way to sleep_

_Either way, it's outside of a dream_

_If you're not going to be here_

I counted minutes, I counted seconds till midinight. At nighttime I was left alone, dwelling in my sadness. Then I could cry and pour my heart to the sky since I didn't have anyone else left. And even though time passed by, the pain didn't go away. Three weeks passed by...two years passed by, and now 35 years had passed. And I still missed him so much that my heart broke into pieces every time I thought about him.

FLASHBACK

"Kusaka! Wait up!" I was exhausted and tired of all the running. Old man Yamamoto had given an order to all Shinigami Academy students to have a special training program, which of course contained running, which I considered horrible. And Kusaka was laughing at me and running faster, so that I had no chance at all to catch him.

"Toshiro! You gotta run if you wanna catch me!" Kusaka grinned at me and ran even faster away from me. Hmm..he wanted to play dirty, so I was so gonna play dirty myself too. I fell dramatically to the ground and pretended to be hurt and unconscious. I knew that in a while, Kusaka would notice me lying on the ground and not moving. And he would snap, because I knew that he cared for me.

In a while, I heard someone running. And I heard someone breathing really heavily right beside me. And the next thing I knew was that I was picked up and a pair of soft, warm lips crushed on my own lips. His tongue invaded my mouth and explored every inch of it. Kusaka knew very well that I'd only been acting. I opened my eyes and found myself staring straight into his beautiful, violet eyes. They were totally unique eyes, which now had a mischievous lool. And something else, which I didn't recognice it and it made me nervous.

"Kusaka? You have an odd look in your eyes...what is it?" He looked at me again, and his face was even closer now. He smirked and held me with his gaze.

"Oh...so you're wondering. Ah..and yet you look at me with those innocent lue eyes, without knowing that you are the cause."

"I..but what did I do. Idiot..if you worried about me, you should've just said s-"

"Who said anything about worrying? Of course I worry about you, but I'm not that stupid. Did you really think that I'd fallen for such a childish (yet cute) trick to obviously get my attention. Am I right or am I right, Toshiro?" Kusaka smirked more than ever and chuckled.

"Tsk. Of course I didn't you baka. But that still doesn't explain your eyes...or does it?" I looked him, trying to find the answers.

"If you really need to know.." He pushed me down to the ground and bend himself over me, so that our faces were only inches apart. I felt my cheeks flush from embarassment and I tried to look away, but he didn't let me. He bent to whisper into my ear:

"Greed...you make me so greedy that all I want is to fuck you till we both can't walk. Understood?" He smirked at me with lustful eyes and picked me up, to fulfill his dirty plan. And actually I didn't mind..I loved this man and at least my body wanted him badly.

As we got to his place, he just slammed the door shut and roughly threw me on the bed. He started to undress me and actually ripped off me my yukata, and hakama, till I was left in my white underwear. When he was gonna rip my pants off, I stopped him.

"Kusaka...I...I don't know..I.." I turned away from him and covered myself with a thick blanket, hiding myself between the warm sheets. The atmosphere begun to change. It became more gentle and loving, and there was less desire and lust in the air.

He gently stroke my head through the sheets and slowly begun to remove the blanket off me. I couldn't resist anymore, so I just let him see myself crying. I didn't even know why, but I had cried a few tears and for my bad luck, they were showing.

"Toshiro...do you really fear me that much?" Kusaka looked at me with a glint of sadness in his eyes. I looked at him surprised and shocked.

"I..I've never feared you. And I never could fear you, because you...you're so important to me. I can't bear to lose you." I looked at him and tried to convince that those words really were true, and he believed it. Kusaka embraced me and gently pushed me on my back. He was actually sitting on me, and was bending down to give me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Toshiro...do you want this or not? If you don't, just tell me to get off you without hesitation...but if you want..I promise I'll be gentle."

"I.." I blushed again. And cursed myself in my mind for doing that. I was blushing like a schoolgirl!! And I definetly wasn't one myself. But I had to make up my mind, whether to give in or not. I didn't know if I was ready for something so intimate, because we had only been together for few weeks or so.

In the end, I decided to let my body win. My member was twitching so badly, and my whole body felt really hot. At that point I had to admit that I really wanted to be taken here, now and by this man, Kusaka Soujirou.

"Hey..I'm fine with it. I want it too, so...let's just do it." Kusaka looked really surprised as I said it. He had obviously thought that he wouldn't be able to take me tonight. But now he was, so he should take the pride of undressing me. And now. Emidietly.

"Well, if my dearest says so, then that is my law and my path." He grinned at me as he took of me all of my clothes.

I couldn't believe this. I was lying buck naked in front of Kusaka, my best friend and he was..he was...aaahh...t-touching me. In a place so sensitive that I didn't know it Ieven existed. His figers were brushing my thigh, digging his nails softly into my flesh. He was positioned between my legs, spreading them apart. And finally...his mouth was shoved down...my ass, licking my balls and even..lower. One specific place was twitching for attention and touch...but evil Kusaka kept ignoring the place where exactly I wanted his naughty mouth and damn so skilled tongue. This felt good too...and I couldn't help but moan. Ah...so sinfully sweet and so, so hot...had never felt like this before.

"K-Kusaka...please..ahh..one...place" I mumbled out the words softly, while panting and moaning. My best friend looked at me and smirked at my flushed and aroused expression. He cupped my cheeks and planted a quick kiss on my lips.

"Oh..so where exactly does my Snow Princess want to be touched? Maybe here..." He touched my navel and rolled his tongue on my navel.

"Or here.." He kissed my jaw and planted even more butterfly kisses down my neck. "Hmm...Snow princess doesn't seem to be satisfied yet...what about....." Kusaka ran his hands down my thigs. No way, idiot...that's not the place YET. And then he grabbed my erection with force and slammed his body against mine.

"Kusaka! AAAAH!" I moaned out in pleasure, and curled my arms around his sweaty neck. His tongue was invading my mouth, and I let him do so. His hand was sliding up and down my erection, squeezing it and giving it all the attention his hands were able to give. And apparently his tongue was caressing mine in such a sensual way I'd never felt before. His other hand was roaming down my side and back, trying to touch every single part of me. And yes, I felt like every single part was caressed, touched or licked. It was heaven...maybe a perverted, dirty kind of heaven...but it was a heaven for me.

And then, he stopped. He sat up, and gently pulled me to his lap. I blushed again, since the look he gave me was so intense. He kissed me once again, now with pure love and feelings. Kusaka bent down.

"Are you sure you wanna go further? I mean...it's gonna hurt a lot and stuff..."

I cupped his face and smiled at him.

"Baka Kusaka...why would I want to stop NOW,when my body wants more..and my mind does too. Kusaka...when I agreed to this, I agreed that we could take this to the end too.....no matter how much it hurts." He hugged me so hard that I was about to fall.

"Aww! Toshiro!! You're way too sweet y' know!!" I shoved a pillow in his face.

"Shut up and continue your...umm...investigation." I grinned. He pushed me down on the bed and positioned himself between my legs, again.

"Aye aye, patient-dono!" He grinned and gripped my thigs, squeezing them. I could feel his tongue licking my balls again, but I tensed as I felt his finger pressing against my hole. I didn't stop him...because I really really wanted to do this.

I gripped the sheets, when his fingers invaded my virgin hole. It felt so weird...and kinda uncomfortable too. And he pushed the three fingers deeper into me. I felt like I was gonna puke, those fingers felt so bad inside me.

'This is how it feels like...like you're gonna puke and someone is like cutting your insides off...tsk..' That's when Kusaka removed his fingers and positioned himself at my hole. I gulped.

"Toshiro....you know that we don't have to do this..." I glared a him and gave him the permission to continue. My best friend pushed my legs even further apart and started to shove his erection inside me. My muscles tensed as he slid it deeper and deeper inside me. I started to feel extremely bad.

"Take it out....i-it hurts so much!" Tears gathered in my eyes and some salty tears were flowing down my cheeks. Kusaka sighed and kissed me, to distract me from the pain. He started to move his hands along my torso, and lower. Then he gripped my lenght almost painfully and at the same time pushed himself into me even deeper. I gasped...suddenly I felt so good...ah such pleasure. Kusaka grinned at me.

"So I hit your prostate, didn't I? Doesn't it feel good...Snow Princess?" I smiled at him, and bucked myself against him so that it would be easier for him. Kusaka started to move...in and out and I was filled with pleasure. Who could've guessed that Kusaka was this good?

"A-ah...K-Kusaka...please..ahh" And he fucked me with even higher speed. I was intoxicated...so exhausted and filled with pleasure. And I could see that he was enjoying this too since he was moaning and his face was flushed. So cute..he looked so cute. Among being extremely sexy and handsome, Kusaka was so cute. I smiled...even he could be cute.

Kusaka removed himself, and he was so exhausted that he just collapsed on me. We were both on the edge of sleep, but we fought against it and kissed the sleep away. The way he kissed me now was again different. Poor Kusaka was so tired that he was just planting sloppy kisses on my face, not caring whether is was my nose or lips. I curled up to him and put my arms around his torso. Kusaka curled his arms around me too and held me in a loving and protective embrace. He was playing with my hair, as soon as the kiss broke.

"Aw..this one is MY property." I agreed silently. He didn't need to hear it, because he already knew that we belonged to each other.

"This is a cliche...but y' know I'm kinda in love with you...Shiro..you listening to me?" I mumbled in return.

"Yea yea big asshole...love ya too." I blushed again.

"Aw such a lovely shade of pink! You really must love me..."

"Shut up.." I finally closed my eyes and let myself drift into sleep.

-----end of flashback----

Yes...that was a long time ago. That was one day before he died, and we knew ourselves that the one of us was gonna die. But yet..it was so hard to understand why the court had to separate us..the best friends..and secret lovers. Why did live have to be so hard?

Even now, I'm walking in the park where he first told me that he loved me. The else world is starting to fade away, where he used to be. But I could never forget him..or his sweet words which were the only real thing in this messed up world.

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Can't believe I wrote such a porny piece of fic O_____O oh well..

Reviews are love : D but no flames, please.


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